


won't you tell me? (if you find that deeper meaning)

by explicitly_iridescent



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, it's a lot guys, we need more gidle fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24488191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explicitly_iridescent/pseuds/explicitly_iridescent
Summary: Another round of silence falls on them, and suddenly, Miyeon doesn’t feel like playing this game anymore. “So, why’d you call?”Shuhua picks at her fingers on top of the counter. “Why wouldn’t I?”Miyeon has a hundred different answers bubbling up her throat, but she settles on one. “You never did.”“I always did,” Shuhua shoots back, defensive.“Not for me,” Miyeon replies. “Only for you.”Shuhua doesn’t defend herself this time.In which, Shuhua breaks hearts, and maybe ends up breaking her own in the process, Miyeon's going through the motions, Soojin's sorry, Soyeon and Yuqi are kind off engaged and a little angry, and Minnie thinks Miyeon's too pretty to keep making the same mistakes.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Cho Miyeon/Yeh Shuhua, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 18
Kudos: 124





	1. you called (do you need me?)

Miyeon sits on the bar stool, and has to shake her head at yet another suitor trying to vie for her attention. She’s here for one reason only, really, and she’s never been one to stray. It’s one of her better qualities, and one that caused her one of her biggest heartbreaks a few years ago.

Miyeon is determined—she doesn’t give up, doesn’t give in—and in the hands of the wrong people, that becomes dangerous.

( _“Are you sure about this?” Minnie asks her. “You don’t have to answer, you know.”_

_Miyeon looks at her phone, looks at the number that she has memorised by heart, even if it’s been two years, and knows there’s no way she wouldn’t pick it up. “I think I have to.”_

_Minnie rolls her eyes. “You don’t_ **_have_ ** _to do anything. Maybe you still want to.”_

_Miyeon wonders if that’s true. She thinks about the girl: her pale skin, her big eyes, her big smiles. The loud voice. The chocolates. Miyeon wonders if Minnie’s right, if she still loves that girl with the doe eyes and loud voice._

_“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t feel like I love her anymore, though.” It doesn’t feel like a lie. It really doesn’t._

_But why didn’t it feel like the truth either?_

_Minnie sighs, and wraps an arm around her shoulders. “Do what you have to do, I guess. Just don’t be dumb. You’re too pretty to be dumb, Miyeon.”_

_Miyeon finds herself laughing. “Yeah, okay. I won’t.”_

_She answers the call.)_

“You’re early,” a voice behind Miyeon suddenly speaks up.

Miyeon knows who it belongs to, she always will. She turns around, and smiles at Yeh Shuhua. “Hey, yeah.”

Shuhua blinks at her, doesn’t smile. “That’s weird.” Blunt. Miyeon forgot how blunt Shuhua was sometimes.

“I’ve been working on it,” Miyeon tells her. “You wanna sit?”

Shuhua nods and sits on the stool next to hers. The bartender comes near them, but Shuhua waves him off.

“Not drinking?” Miyeon inquires, sipping her own drink.

“I’ve been working on it,” Shuhua echoes Miyeon’s earlier words.

“That’s nice.”

“Yep.”

A silence falls on them, and Miyeon keeps on sipping, not really sure what to say. She isn’t the one that wanted to meet up anyways. If she had her way, she’d never enter Shuhua’s orbit again to be honest.

Shuhua breaks it after a while. She doesn’t meet Miyeon’s gaze, and the older girl can’t help but think maybe things haven’t changed that much after all. That doesn’t feel like a good thing, not really. She wonders if Shuhua’s still the same girl then, indecisive, a little manipulative, set on breaking Miyeon’s heart whenever she can.

“Thanks for coming,” Shuhua says.

“Well, you called.” It sounds like an accusation, but Miyeon hadn’t meant it to be one, but a part of her stands by the implications of the statement— _you called, and you knew I would come_.

“Yeah, well…” Shuhua trails off. “How have you been?”

Miyeon shrugs. “Good, mostly. Work’s pretty good, actually.”

“You’re getting a lot of gigs?”

“Yeah. Minnie was right in telling me to join her modelling agency instead.”

“Minnie?”

“A friend,” Miyeon answers.

Shuhua’s lip twitches into a semi-frown. “A friend.”

“Mm.”

Miyeon doesn’t ask how Shuhua is. She doesn’t need to know. It’s not her place, and she thinks investing in Shuhua’s wellbeing is a rabbit hole she can’t afford to fall into, a rabbit hole she can’t afford to crawl out of.

“The others?” Shuhua asks after awhile. “They’re good?”

“Yuqi and Soyeon are still together, if that’s what you’re asking. They live together now. Probably secretly engaged,” Miyeon replies with a small smile.

“That’s nice,” Shuhua replies. Her voice sounds soft, laced with sadness. Maybe regret. Despite everything, Miyeon feels a little bad for her. Yuqi and Soyeon dropping Shuhua for what she did to Miyeon over the years was hard on Shuhua, that much Miyeon knew, but at the end of the day, Shuhua had done what she’d done. Miyeon couldn’t force Soyeon and Yuqi to overlook the damage.

Another round of silence falls on them, and suddenly, Miyeon doesn’t feel like playing this game anymore. “So, why’d you call?”

Shuhua picks at her fingers on top of the counter. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Miyeon has a hundred different answers bubbling up her throat, but she settles on one. “You never did.”

“I _always_ did,” Shuhua shoots back, defensive.

“Not for me,” Miyeon replies. “Only for you.”

Shuhua doesn’t defend herself this time.

“What do you want, Shushu?” Miyeon asks, the nickname accidentally rolling off her tongue. “You never call unless you want something, you know.”

“That’s not true,” Shuhua replies.

“Sure.”

“That’s _not_.”

Miyeon can’t help the laughter that leaves her mouth at Shuhua’s pout. _Cute_ , she absentmindedly thinks. Shuhua’s always been too cute, too cute to really be a bad person, too cute to hate—but not cute enough to do bad things, and hurt people.

“It really isn’t, you know?” Shuhua crosses her arms. “What if I just called to call?”

“Okay,” Miyeon says after a while. “What if I just leave to leave, then?” It’s a jibe, she knows it is. With the way Shuhua’s eyebrows furrows, she guesses Shuhua knows it’s one as well. That’s what Shuhua had done anyways, right? She just did things to do things, even if it meant dragging Miyeon along.

“I already said I was sorry,” Shuhua says in a small voice. “You know. Years ago.”

“You didn’t mean it,” Miyeon states. It’s not an accusation. She feels like it really is the truth. One she had to learn to swallow.

“I—“ Shuhua starts, and then stops. “I still said it.”

“You still said it.”

“You never forgave me.” This time, it’s Shuhua accusing her. If she reads into the statement hard enough she can see what else Shuhua means: _None of you ever did_.

Miyeon sighs into her glass and puts it down. “No. I never did.”

“That wasn’t fair, you know.” Shuhua pouts again.

Miyeon tries not to laugh, afraid it will come out bitterly. _You’re too pretty to be hung up,_ Minnie had told her all those years ago anyway.

“I don’t think you have the right to say what’s fair and what isn’t, Shushu.”

Shuhua doesn’t answer, doesn’t look at her, doesn’t move. Miyeon orders another drink for herself. She feels like this will be a long night.


	2. was it my fault

.

There are a hundred different ways to tell the story, but it really all boils down to university, and what it meant to like Yeh Shuhua. Or maybe, at the heart of it, it all boiled down to Yuqi and her stubbornness.

When Miyeon meets Shuhua, introduced to her by her class mate Media and Communications major Song Yuqi, Miyeon is tired as fuck from her previous PE class. Why PE was still a required unit to take in college escapes Miyeon, but her dumb ass had woken up late (as always) and missed the registration, so she’d been left with cycling as her physical ed, and she was regretting it a lot more than she thought she would. Riding a bike for an hour while listening to electro pop was definitely not a fun time.

“Oh, you _have_ to meet Shuhua, she’s a cutie,” Yuqi tells her, already dragging her into some obscure cafe that _of course_ , Yuqi knows about. Miyeon is starting to think Yuqi knows everything the way she somehow knows _everyone_.

“I _have_ to take a shower,” Miyeon replies. “I still have another class in an hour.”

“You _hate_ History, and you know it.” Yuqi unceremoniously opens the cafe door, and all but pushes Miyeon inside. “Plus, they serve good shit here.”

“How’d you even know this place?” Miyeon asks, looking around. It seems like a hippie place to be honest, and with the indie music playing in the background, and the few people inside wearing edgy clothes, it screams nothing but alternative and lo-fi hip-hop all at once. Why Yuqi, one of the more popular girls in campus who’s never shown anything edgy at all, would even know a place like this escapes Miyeon.

Yuqi smiles at her. “Two words. Jeon Soyeon.”

“Oh.” Miyeon raises an eyebrow at her. “That girl.” Miyeon hasn’t _met_ Jeon Soyeon yet, despite Yuqi and Soyeon apparently being mostly inseparable, because according to the Chinese girl, Soyeon doesn’t like meeting new people, and usually hides in her DJ booth off campus whenever she has free time.

“Not _that_ girl. She’s my best friend, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. The one you have a crush on.”

Yuqi rolls her eyes. “Semantics. She’s gonna be my girlfriend.”

“I thought you said last week that she was _too_ cool to be your ‘girlfriend’,” Miyeon teases her.

“Are you gonna keep teasing me or are we gonna eat and meet my friend?” Yuqi asks. “Also, I watched this YouTube video about, like, self-love or whatever, and I’m on a completely different trajectory now. I’m probably _too_ cool for her, now.”

“Okay,” is all Miyeon replies, because what she’s learned about being friends with Yuqi is that the Chinese girl can do all the talking for the both of them.

Yuqi scans the tables for a bit, goes _ah there she is_ , grabs Miyeon’s arm, and then drag her towards a girl with her head down looking at a notebook.

“Shushu!” Yuqi yells, and Miyeon has to duck her head to avoid the other cafe patron’s scathing looks.

The girl looks up from her notebook, and blinks at Yuqi. _Pretty_ , Miyeon thinks, because what else would anyone else think first when they see Yeh Shuhua anyways? She has long ebony coloured hair, and wide imploring eyes, and when her lips break out into a full-blown smile at the sight of Yuqi, Miyeon tries to stop the smile forming on her own lips.

“Yuqi,” Shuhua replies, motioning with her hand towards the free seats at her table.

Yuqi sits down, and carelessly throws her bag on to the table missing Shuhua’s laptop by a sliver. “This is Miyeon,” she says, waving her hand towards Miyeon, who’s still standing and staring at Shuhua.

Shuhua’s eyes flicker over to Miyeon, and she does this thing (which back then had relatively stolen Miyeon’s breath away, but these days just make her sick) where she looks her up and down, and then she smiles without meeting Miyeon’s eyes. “Hi, I’m Shuhua!”

Miyeon gives her a bright smile. “Hey, nice to meet you.”

“Are you gonna—“ Shuhua starts, the same time Miyeon says, “Can I sit?” They both pause, regard each other with bright expressions, and then laugh a little.

.

“You still like green,” Shuhua comments, pointing out Miyeon’s phone case.

“Mm,” is all Miyeon replies for awhile, and then feeling a little sorry for being so cold, she adds, “My nails too.” She shows Shuhua her nails.

“Pretty,” Shuhua comments, but it’s a little bland. Miyeon knows she doesn’t like green, and wonders if that was foreshadowing in the smallest ways.

“I’m not mad,” Miyeon tells her, and sees Shuhua swallow a little thickly. “At least, not as much as before.”

“You were never the type,” Shuhua says with a small smile. “To be angry.”

“Yeah.”

“It was a big deal when you finally snapped at me.”

Miyeon takes another sip from her glass, choosing not to reply. Shuhua continues, “Do you remember? That night. You were so mad.”

“Of course, I remember. How could I forget?” Miyeon still remembers: Soyeon’s birthday, Shuhua wrapped up in another girl, but not just _some_ girl. It would have never been some other girl. It had to be Soojin.

“I didn’t kiss her,” Shuhua says, finally looking at Miyeon, their eyes meeting. “I _didn’t_.”

Miyeon sighs. “I know you didn’t.”

“But you were _so_ mad,” Shuhua points out.

“Because you _loved_ her, Shushu,” Miyeon blankly says, her tone carrying a little bitterness that definitely didn’t come from the whiskey. “That moment was when I finally realised it.”

“I didn’t—“ Shuhua starts to say, maybe ready to fight, because she’s always been the type to fight her way out of the things, but then she stops. Backtracks. “I did, I guess. I do.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Miyeon.” Miyeon meets her eyes, as Shuhua takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I was sorry then, too, I—I was just—“

“Selfish?” Miyeon offers.

Shuhua’s voice grows quiet. “Yeah.”

“You know,” the older girl says. “I know that you were sorry.” _You always were_ , she doesn’t add. Shuhua was always just that: hurting Miyeon, lying to Miyeon, and then sorry towards Miyeon. It was just a cycle that never really stopped until Miyeon left.

_(“Where’s Shush?” Yuqi asks, not even bothering to knock as she enters Miyeon’s apartment. “We’re gonna be late!”_

_“I thought she was with you,” Miyeon states, putting on her heels. “Where’s Soyeon?”_

_“Car,” Yuqi replies. “And Shushu’s not with me. She said she’d be here?”_

_Miyeon furrows her eyebrows. “Uh, well, she said she was with you guys the whole day, so.”_

_Yuqi snorts. “No, she wasn’t. Soyeon and I were, like, having crazy sex the whole day.”_

_“I didn’t need to know that!”_

_“I feel like everyone needs to know that.”_

_“No, Yuqi, literally no one does.”_

_“Wait,” Yuqi says. “So? Are we just leaving without Shushu?”_

_Miyeon pulls her phone out, and holds her finger up to signal Yuqi to wait. She calls Shuhua’s phone but the younger girl doesn’t answer. “She’s not picking up.”_

_“Okay, so we’re leaving without her,” Yuqi announces._

_“We can’t do that! It’s our friend-date day whatever you call it,” Miyeon replies._

_“We will if she doesn’t answer.”_

_Miyeon keeps calling, but Shuhua only answers on the fifth ring. When she does, her voice is breathless from what seems to be laughter._

_“Hello? Miyeon?” Shuhua answers, giggling. “Sorry! I didn’t see your call.”_

_Miyeon bites her tongue, tries not to be angry. “It’s okay. We’re leaving. Where are you?”_

_“Oh! Sorry! I ran into Soojin before going to Yuqi, and just ended up hanging out with her.” Shuhua covers the mouthpiece and seemingly says something else, but Miyeon can’t decipher what it is. “Soojin said she’d drive me to the bar. I’ll see you guys there! Sorry!”_

_“Okay,” Miyeon mutely replies. “I love you.”_

_“You too, baby, bye!” Shuhua ends the call._

_“She said she’d meet us there,” Miyeon tells Yuqi._

_Yuqi makes a face. “Okay, fine. Let’s go.”_

_It’s during the drive, where Soyeon and Yuqi joke around, and Miyeon’s by herself in the back that she fights the jealousy growing inside of her. Ever since Shuhua had met Soojin at a dancing class, she’d been nothing short of obsessed with the dancer. MIyeon had met her too, and she was nice, she really was, and it wasn’t her fault, but the way Shuhua enthusiastically talked about her, and clung to her left a weird taste in Miyeon’s mouth._

_“It’s kinda weird that she’d lie,” Soyeon comments once Miyeon tells her what happened in the car._

_Yuqi waves it off. “Shushu’s always been a little absentminded. She’s like a kid, you know, her attention span.”_

_“Still weird,” Soyeon mutters under breath.)_

“But you always said the same things,” Miyeon tells her. “Like, it was always just the same thing. It didn’t really feel like you were ever saying sorry for different things. It just felt like you were recycling.”

Shuhua picks at her fingers, and she keeps glancing at the bar and all the bottles. Miyeon knows she wants a drink; she’s still impressed the younger girl hasn’t cracked and ordered a drink.

“I don’t know what to say,” Shuhua replies. “I don’t think I ever did.”

“Mm, I wouldn’t say that.” Miyeon takes another long sip. She places her glass down. “You always knew what to say to get me back.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“I’m surprised you’re not drinking,” Miyeon finally comments.

“Well,” Shuhua bites her lip. “I haven’t touched alcohol in a eight months.”

Miyeon’s eyes widen. “Oh. I didn’t expect that.”

“Yeah. Soojin got me to—“ She stops and looks at Miyeon, as if gauging her reaction to Shuhua saying Soojin’s name, but Miyeon keeps her features impassive. “She talked to me about it.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m proud of you.” Miyeon smiles at her. “I’m sure Yuqi would be proud too.”

“Well.” Shuhua laughs, but it sounds a little dark. “I wouldn’t know, would I?”

“It’s not Yuqi’s fault,” Miyeon says, suddenly defensive. “She was being a good friend.”

“To you,” Shuhua replies, but then her shoulders slump. “But I get why. I wasn’t exactly—“

“—no, you weren’t. Yuqi was on your side at first, it’s not her fault.”

“Yeah,” Shuhua agrees. “Just mine, right?” She kind of looks at Miyeon like she wants Miyeon to comfort her, to say, _it isn’t_ , but Miyeon doesn’t.

Instead, Miyeon orders another drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll be writing some yuyeon fics soon, as well as some mishu and sooshu !!! let me know if u liked this chapter
> 
> ill do my best to feed us in our gidle fic drought :> drop some kudos n comments it rlly helps!

**Author's Note:**

> tell me if i should continue !! also drop some kudos n comments of what u thot :)


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